I didn’t expect to get this crazy. Like I literally wonder if I have lost every fucken working brain cell. Especially when dealing with side effect symptoms. I could have every side effect in the book from chemo or none at all and I still wonder if it’s really working the way it’s supposed to be. I could just having a headache, or a common cold, or sore joints but I am never certain. I always wonder if it was a sign of progression, even when it made no sense.

Don’t tell them how strong I am; because I’ll feel the need to act strong even when I'm sad or exhausted. Don’t offer medical advice or your opinions on things like diet, vitamins, and herbal therapies. Or fucken witchcraft shit. Lol, instead ask me if I need to cry?! Because sometimes I do. If I need someone to walk Lucy for me. . .
I feel people worry about having the politically correct thing to say that they end up saying the worst possible shit and that shit hurts the most. I feel that the most important thing is not what you say – it’s that you’re there and willing to listen. Try to hear/ listen and understand how I feel. I don't expect anyone to cure me or to have the correct statements to say to me. I just want understanding without judgment.

Things that don't bother me one day infuriate me the next. I can’t decide if I am expecting too much; maybe I am setting my friends/loved ones up for failure. . . I really don't try to inconvenience anyone with all of this. 95% of my friends and family members don't know the back scenes, don't know the fucken struggle of medical bills or appointments or how hard it is to understand medical language let alone side effects. I feel I got this alone but there are times I just need to "rant" and I probably don't do it face to face with individuals in my life because I feel I might inconvenience them and make them run away because of my bluntness towards this shit. So I'll admit I push people away but not for me, I do it for the them, to protect them from guilt. I rather people think I'm a bitch than feel they stayed out of pity. I don't know if it makes sense, but it's part of my "ranting" so. . . yeah, "blocking" exist and maybe, . . . just don't read my shit. Just a suggestion.. . . Lol, but for those that read and comment with support. Thank you

My fear is that every time my friend/loved one has a hard time from now on, I am going to again have that feeling that they let me down when I needed them, so. . "fuck you and your feelings".. . I thought I had moved past it, but I guess not. I somewhat apologize in advance. Ύ

Maybe some lessons can’t be learned until you go through them yourself.
People have different strengths, different mindsets.
We shouldn’t expect any single person to be good at everything. I'm doing my best and "ranting" helps me cope. Sooooooo, . . . . . . . I don't know how to help you feel better, I heard therapy helps sometimes but that shit is expensive too. Social Media is free so, . . .. . .. . . Hello My Name is Nubia and I'm here to fucken “rant” . . lol

I fear coping this way will hurt me even more emotionally which can't possibly be good. Considering, I'm already coo coo for cocos puffs. But I also feel there's no damn correct way either . . and nooooooo, time doesn't heal shit!!! But thanks for the suggestion, I've given this shit a year and a half and I feel at my worst!!!!!! So there you go, my “rant” for today. . . #rantqueen"