I've been feeling depressed lately, moreso than I did during my first year of fight with cancer. I've always been a naturally gleeful person, so before cancer hit me, I always thought that I would be depression-proof. Fighting cancer the second time around, after the stem cell transplant, proves to be more challenging...way more challenging. I'm not allowed to work or take the nursing licensure exam yet. I worked really hard to graduate from nursing school in a university all the while fighting this disease. I even graduated magna cum laude. With my previous graphic design and photography professional experience, I accept as much gigs that I can do in bed and around my symptoms to have some source of income, no matter how inadequate.

It's during this recovery period from my stem cell transplant that I first experienced having suicidal thoughts...probably caused by the combination of my many meds, hormone depletion after many radiations and stem cell transplant from my sister, and not being able to move on with making my ambitions (that I worked so very hard on in spite of medical challenges) finally happen.