Yes, you read that title right. 3rd time, cancer has now metastasized down towards my rectal area. I am now considered Stage 4 Metastitzed Colorectal Cancer and will have to take maintenance medication for the rest of my life or I will cease to exist.

That is a lot to take in.

I just found out Friday and today is Monday.

I have been answering calls, texts, emails since I shared the news.

All I have been through and fought for us to make sure I am ok because I have been in so much pain and no one seemed to want to listen until now, is a lot.

I just had hernia surgery and we waited eight weeks instead of four for me to get treatment and the mass doubled. What that tells us is that we can't put off treatments. With that, we are moving up my treatments to every 3 weeks.

I also have a bulging disc in that same general region.

That has been the hardest through this...fighting doctors, trying to get people to listen to me.

Sometimes, it is people who say they are my friends and argue with me. People tell me "If you are looking for monsters, you will find them." I want to scream and yell at them. I want to ask,

"So I just live in miserable pain and not try to find answers?"

It makes me crazy.

I know since Facebook has grown I have not written on here as much but I feel it is important to try to keep sharing my journey on here because part of my leaving a legacy of love is the ability to help others. If this blog in any way can help another, I am all for it.

I don't know what this means for me in the coming months, but we have recently been trying to travel abroad more or even live abroad and this does change that somewhat. We still will travel but I need to be close to home more.

We are going to look at home in Colorado and find someplace that is near to RMCC, Rocky Mountain Cancer Centers as much as possible within our price range. 

We are still going to travel but maybe even sooner.

I am going to see friends and family, I am going to travel.

I refuse to let Cancer define me or rule my life.

I refuse to let others rule my life.

I refuse to be in this pain.

Most of all I reuse to lie down and die.

I am still vibrant in MANY other ways and I still have a legacy of love to leave! <3