It's July 16th, 2017, the day before I will lose my breasts. Double mastectomy! I'm tired... exhausted in fact. I'm looking forward to the anesthesia so I can get a good rest. LOL. I have so many people who love me... I am blessed. I still feel alone. I am alone in my head. Alone with my thoughts. Alone in that my mind drifts away to a better time. I am not afraid! Ok... maybe just a little afraid. What I mean by that is a lot afraid! Scared of the surgery, scared of the recovery, scared of the way it taxes my husband, scared of the way it creates a divide in my family. Not so much scared of the cancer but scared of its wake. More like a tsunami. This is like a roller coaster that NEVER comes back into the station... it just keeps rolling and rolling up and down and around and around... loop dee loop. (Nausea included) Analogy: Three ways to solve the problem... 1. You fall off and that's NEVER a good outcome! 2. You hope a doctor comes along and puts the brakes on the coaster and stops the ride. 3. You hang on for dear life, try to enjoy the scenery as the coaster rises and dips knowing there are others on the coaster with you and try to comfort them along the ride. This is NOT for sissy's, I'll tell you that much!!!