Cancer Helped Me Discover My Creativity

"Art is you being free from all of the world's heaviness." This is one of my favorite quotes I've come across since having and beating cancer.

When cancer enters your life, whether you are a caregiver or survivor, and I’ve been both, your life changes on many levels from the moment you hear those dreaded words “You have cancer”, or hear a loved one say “I have cancer”.

These changes present themselves as quite frightening and earth shattering.
These changes bring on many unknowns.
These changes bring many “What now?” moments.

But these changes, and cancer entering your life, can also bring about beauty. Now before you start cussing at me screaming, “How can cancer be beautiful?”, just hear me out...

When I say beauty, I don’t mean the disease itself. Don’t get me wrong, cancer IS the ugliest thing out there. I mean beauty quite literally. I mean beauty as in art, something pretty to look at, something to feel in your fingers, something that you can create and be proud of. I mean beauty as something that will leave your mark on the world as well as impact your life and that of others, regardless of whether you have 1 year to live or 50 years.

For me, this beauty has been learning the art of knitting. This has become my form of beauty, of feeling something soft in my hands, of leaving my mark on the world. Back in 2007, cancer entered my life when my mother, Ginette, was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer. One year later, sadly, she earned her angel wings and my life as I knew it stopped quite abruptly. My mother was a passionate knitter. Not an evening went by that she didn’t have at least a few minutes with her knitting needles in hand, a soft smile on her lips, and a sense of serenity and pride as she created something beautiful to give to my sisters and I. For years, my mother wanted to teach me, the “crafty one” of the family, how to knit. I kept pushing it back telling her that I would one day. “Why would I waste my time?” is what I thought back then…well, with her passing, my time ran out. I became obsessed with learning how to knit while grieving the loss of my mother. Perhaps I just thought it was a way in keeping her alive, in feeling close to her and what she loved doing. By knitting, perhaps her spirit, the essence of what made her so special would never die. What I did not anticipate is how this art – knitting – would come to heal me.

The Canadian Cancer Society says that creative arts therapy can “be a way for people to express their unspoken or unconscious concerns about their illness and their lives, deal with emotional conflicts, increase self-awareness, cope with cancer and reduce stress.”

When I read this description, it made sense to me. Not only did the arts help me calm my feelings of grief in the dark days following my mom’s death, but they allowed for both physical and emotional healing. For the first time in a while, with every new stitch, I began to smile, to feel inspired, and that my mother’s legacy would live on. I had underestimated the therapeutic value of acting through art.

Then, in 2013, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer, at age 38. I’m one of the lucky ones; my cancer wasn’t terminal, and I was able to defeat it. Although the physical side of me was able to rid itself from cancer, my emotional side would be poisoned, damaged and battle for years following the diagnosis and remission and still to this day. Once again, ‘art therapy’ would be my road to healing.

One thing about being a cancer survivor or a caregiver is that you want to find a way to help others. This I find has been a common bond between those of us touched by cancer. When I started knitting, not only did it give me something to occupy my time and clear my mind of the negative thoughts, but sharing my pieces with friends and family raised awareness about cancer. It initiated discussions about why and how I learned to knit, and I would end up sharing my story with others, building awareness. I’ve always believed that awareness and education are priceless. The more we know about issues that affect the world around us, the more that people will want to find ways to help. The only thing missing for me now was how I could find a way to help raise funds for cancer research. Again, it was art.

For the last few years now, I have been selling handknit items and donating the proceeds to a range of related organizations, including Canadian Cancer Society, Ovarian Cancer Canada and The Ottawa Hospital Foundation. The inspiration behind my work comes from different stories of those affected by cancer. Whether I hear of a famous person just diagnosed or it’s someone I read about or meet online, I know I have to do something. So I am; I’m knitting.

If you wish you learn more about my knitting fundraising campaigns, you can find me under Louve de Laine on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

How did cancer change the way you viewed at beauty or experienced creativity? Share in the comments below!