So I have been in ongoing counseling for PTSD, and now for my cancer journey. My counselor and I were talking about my anxiety, and she encouraged me to think about how I should consider that my thoughts are being processed through "The Anxious Mind". What does that mean? Well, we figured out that people with intelligent and anxious minds such as myself, tend to seek the "Why" and "How" more than most people that would just be ok with the situation no matter how it turns out. This makes me wonder "Is cancer my Lesson?" I am constantly looking for ways to have control over every situation in my life. All of a sudden, out of NOWHERE, I get disgnosed with a cancer that cannot be traced back to any family member, anything I have done to my body, it just appeared; Lymohoma. A blood cancer that currently has no known cause, only conjectures as to where it may have come from. So, there it is, the control freak who wants to know the "how" and "why" of everything is finally faced with a journey that she cannot connect to any real reason. I feel like I may be going through this journey because I need to learn that everything cannot be in my control, but no matter the outcome, I will be OK.