I am sitting here in a waiting room of the local Chevy dealership... it has givin' me time to think.  This is either a good or bad thing.  Waiting has never been a problem but today is a differnt story.  My last six month check up is in a few weeks.  Antipation is not my strong suit.  I have never been one to have anxioty but this time around it is differnt.  I don't know if it is the last one or I am scared I will not have another appointment until a year from now but anxioty is starting to take over.  I am afraid.  I have gotten used to the way I feel.  Am I recovered?  Wil I always feel like this? Will I always be waiting? 

Being 2 years old...

...means the world is still new.
...everything is a wonder.
...the truth is better than any lie.
... you can spot hypocrisy and point it out with out reprimand.
... you wonder how legos taste.
... Squirrel...
... you get a free pass for all the wrong you've done.
... you don't want a nap, but you fall asleep anyway.
... you like pizza but don't know why.
... you wonder why... "No" sounds so good.
... Squirrel...
... petty problems don't matter.
... you are friends with everyone.
...... Legos taste so good.
... Squirrel...

Live live like you are 2 years old... you will always find out who your true friends are.

-Moby

Everyday, I wake up with a burning sensation in my chest. This and the scar on my chest, from the port and biopsy, are constant reminders of the daly fight I go threw just to get threw the day. It is so hard for me to keep accomplish things in my life.
Before cancerI would find myself sitting around, playing games, being on the net. Basically waisting time. I knew time is precious but did not know how much. I have always been pushing myself to do better, be stronger, and accomplish amazing goals. I never made the time to do any of it.
I look at 'normal' society, going to work, BBQ on the weekends, and being obligated to goto family gatherings. For the most part they barely live, pay bills, and lie about being happy. In a lot of ways ignorance is bliss. It is not until you are first out of the normal life that you see how stupid it is.
Though I do not know what my real goals in life are. I do know it is not the latter. It may sound cliche' but fight for your dreams, live an amazing life. the best thing in life is when you can come back from the battlefield and have a story to tell.

In the last 6 months I have been away. Away from My family, close friends, and the life I have chiseled out for myself sense my cancer recovery started. I have traveled all around the USA... Pushed myself to my limits. I met new people and made new friends. I helped create a fictional world that will forever have my name on it. (for good or bad we will see). I worked my fingers to the frozen bone. I have given my blood to accomplish my goals. The connections I have made will last for a life time. Have I done things I am not proud of... yes but I own my mistakes and fix the ones I can. (What happened in New England, well, stays in New England.) I am not a perfect person, I have never tried to be.
Live sucks... but living is great. It was not until the last week of my trip I learned what living was. You see, that last week... Changed my life. I found it in a river in the middle of North Carolina. (no I was not yelling 'MOO COW' very few of you will get that reference. Though I really think I found that 'one thing.') Family is not always blood... nor is it always friends. Family can be a bunch of strangers coming together in one common goal... as long as the people around you have an impact on your life... you are family. Connection is the meaning of life. Cancer can be what 'family blood' really stands for... But that river... I want to go back.